


falling, yearning, loving

by carminare



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Fluff, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-01-24 09:20:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18568456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carminare/pseuds/carminare
Summary: Keiji was learning things about himself. Like how much stamina he had now compared to when they started; like how easy it was to match with Bokuto now; like how much he liked the way Bokuto screamed his name, always too exaggerated, too loud, too perfect.Like how he was falling in love with Bokuto Koutarou





	falling, yearning, loving

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the manga!

For Keiji it had started with a spike. A boy in the air, legs bent back, arms stretched up waiting for the ball and a boom-like sound across the court. It was blinding, deafening and Keiji wasn’t sure he understood the warmth in his chest, the slight tremble in his hands, but he understood two things: he had just witnessed a star in action and he was going to Fukurodani Academy.

 

###### I. FALLING

First day was a blur of schedules and introductions but when he finally got to go to volleyball practice, everything turned sharper, clearer and he realized he was anxious. Keiji hadn’t stopped thinking about the boy and somehow he had started to feel like a fantasy, like a made-up perfect spike. He took a breath and entered the gym. The squeaking tennis shoes and the smell of sweat and disinfectant welcomed him and Keiji tried his best to remain calm. He lined up with the other first years and a second later their upperclassmen were in front of them. They were asked to introduce themselves; name, middle school and position. Keiji didn’t seem to find the golden boy. Maybe he had imagined him after all.

“I am Akaashi Keiji,” he said when it was his turn, “from Mori middle school. I played setter. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

He bowed and when he straightened he saw a familiar pair of eyes peeking from the back with a curious glint to them. Keiji’s breath hitched just a little bit. There he was. The star.

He introduced himself as Bokuto Koutarou. His voice was just as loud as Keiji remembered and his smile just as bright. Bokuto Koutarou, Keiji decided, was a sunbeam, showering everything in golden light and warm feeling. The other first years didn’t look as impressed, though, so maybe it was just him. Bokuto was still looking at him intensely and Keiji was starting to get a bit self conscious. So he did his best to ignore the warmth in his stomach.

It wasn’t too hard when he had all these chores as a first year. Pick up the balls, bring the mop, do this and that. Keiji didn’t mind, not exactly, but he really just wanted to play.

“Hey, uhh, Akashi-kun,” a voice said next to him while he mopped the floor.

“It’s Akaashi,” he corrected before looking up and finding big, golden eyes looking at him.

Bokuto had his hands behind his back and the way he looked seemed coy? Nervous? Shy? It was a rare sight, an strange contrast with the image of the loud and moody player he had in his mind.

“Could you please help me practice spikes for just a little bit?”

Keiji was taken aback. He saw someone behind Bokuto perk up at the question. A blond guy (Konoha?) and then the guy just shook his head, like a warning. Keiji looked back at Bokuto, who was waiting expectantly.

“Sure,” he said and saw the blond guy shake his head again, this time in disapproval.

 _Just a little bit_ turned out to be hours. Bokuto had more energy than Keiji had ever seen. As soon as his feet hit the floor, he would run right back and scream _One more!_ at Keiji. At first he couldn’t believe he was actually doing this. Extra practice with Bokuto Koutarou. With _the star_ of Fukurodani. Keiji had been dreaming of this since he saw Bokuto that day, perfectly positioned in the air, but unfortunately it didn’t go as smooth, not from the beginning at least.

He had to match Bokuto’s running approach, his jump and the swing of his arm. He had to make sure the toss was an easy one to spike, the best one he could give. The first one was too high, Keiji overestimating Bokuto’s jump power; the second one was too low, underestimating; the third one was better but still not enough. His tosses started getting more and more accurate, all of his senses attuning to Bokuto’s telltales: the sound of his feet when he ran, the little breath he took before jumping, the joy with which he swung his arm, delaying the spike just a bit, as if to enjoy the moment in the air as much as he could.

Keiji wouldn’t be able to say how much time they kept doing the same thing: toss, spike, toss, spike, toss, spike, over and over again. By the end of it, he was completely worn out, sweat dripping from his face, chest heaving. Honestly, how was this _just a little bit?_

“Nice kill,” he said softly and out breath when Bokuto spiked a perfect cross spike.

“Akashi!” Bokuto screamed and Keiji corrected him softly but Bokuto just continued, “Your tosses are the best!”

Keiji lifted up his gaze to look at Bokuto’s face. He was still breathless, trying to take longer breaths to get more oxygen into his body, and Bokuto’s expression was completely open. Eyes crinkled and smile wide. Bokuto was shining. It was an honest comment, Keiji realized as he kept trying to calm his heartbeat.

To have someone praise him so directly, so honestly; to have a star praise him like that, made Keiji incredibly happy. He could feel it in the shiver that run down his spine, in the goosebumps on his arms, in the way his heart refused to calm down.

“Ah, sure,” he answered dumbly but he really couldn’t find more words.

“Could you sound a bit more fired up?” Bokuto pouted and Keiji ignored the slight flutter in his chest.

That night, he could barely sleep. Keiji blamed it on the adrenaline still running through his tired body, but every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Bokuto’s silhouette on the air and his big, bright smile; all he could hear were the praises Bokuto showered him with after they finished and how he had asked him to do it again the next time. Keiji should’ve wanted to say no, should’ve wanted to avoid the tiredness but he didn’t, so he said yes, let’s do it again.

A few days later, while he was sitting in his class, two of his teammates appeared at the door. The blond guy, Konoha, and their libero, Komi. Keiji was surprised but he maintained his neutral expression, exchanging pleasantries with his upperclassmen. It was weird to see them out of practice, they weren’t exactly friends. Konoha offered to help him find excuses to get away from Bokuto’s extra practice, as if it were a bother. Keiji was at a lost for words at first. Did they really think Keiji was annoyed? That he was doing this against his will? That he didn’t like practicing with the star of the team?

“Ah, I’m okay,” he told them. “It’s fun for me to be able to practice with a star player.”

And he meant it. Sure, it was tough to try and keep up with someone like Bokuto, it left his thighs sore and his fingers feeling numb, but it was challenging and really, really fun. He barely registered Konoha and Komi’s replies, he was too busy remembering how good it felt when he gave Bokuto the spike he was waiting for and Bokuto would beam at him and tell him how his tosses were truly the greatest and Keiji would feel all warm for the rest of the night, even when his body had cooled down.

In the following weeks, Keiji started to improve his physical condition, helping him to keep up with Bokuto for most of the extra practice. He was also improving his sets and not only those directed to Bokuto, he noticed, but the ones to his other teammates as well. Keiji knew he wasn’t a genius setter, he knew he had to work very hard to set the way the others needed him to and that he would be left behind if it weren't for the extra practice, so, one night, when they were changing clothes after a particularly long extra practice and Bokuto was again gushing about Keiji’s sets, he thought it was only fair he was honest as well.

“Thank you for always practicing with me, Akaashi!” Bokuto exclaimed. “It’s helped me a lot!”

“Ah,” Keiji started and then stopped. He thought for a second and then said, “Actually, I should be thanking you.”

Bokuto’s golden eyes were filled with confusion and Keiji felt a sudden burst of fondness.

“I was just some random first year and you asked me to practice with you. Maybe you just wanted to assess me or something but these practices have helped me improve, too. So, thank you.”

There was a silence to loud for Keiji’s liking and then Bokuto was throwing an arm around his shoulders and squeezing him. Keiji was suddenly hot but not in an uncomfortable way.

“‘kaashi!” Bokuto said, dropping the _a_ and extending the _i_. Keiji didn’t correct him this time.

It was after that night that Bokuto started to go to Keiji’s classroom and asking him to have lunch. The first time Keiji was as surprised as his classmates when Bokuto poked his head through the door.

“Bokuto-san?” Keiji asked. “Is everything okay?”

Keiji heard his classmates murmur. Some girls sounded like they were going to faint.

“‘kaashi, hey!” Bokuto said and he looked a bit shy. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Just wondering if you wanted to have lunch?”

“That’s what I was about to do?” Keiji said pointing at the bento resting on his desk. Bokuto just looked at him for a second, waiting, and then it hit him. “Oh! You mean together?”

“Yeah. If that’s okay? I mean, I don’t know if you had any other plans, tho.”

Seeing him so insecure made Keiji felt bad. Bokuto was made for loudness, for greatness.

“Of course, I would love to. Where to?”

Bokuto beamed and Keiji fought a tiny smile.

“You’ll see! Come on!”

Keiji followed a very excited Bokuto out of the classroom and down the hall, all the way up to the rooftop. The rest of the second years were already there. Konoha and Washio engrossed in an intense conversation mostly lead by Konoha. Komi and Sarukui filling themselves with food. It was a nice view, warm and friendly. Keiji really liked it.

“Hey, hey, hey!” screamed Bokuto and the others looked up at them.

“Eyyy!” said Komi. “Come on. Start eating, we’re almost done here.”

They sat in front of the others and Keiji started to unbox his bento.

“Where’s the rest of the team?” Keiji asked, noting that no other first years nor any of the third years were present.

“This is normally a second year members thing,” said Konoha. “But Bokuto insisted we invited you and you’re cool so…”

“Oh,” Keiji said and looked at Bokuto, who seemed very into his lunch. Then, looking at the others, he said, “Thank you.”

Keiji realized the second years were a very loud bunch. Yeah, sure, Bokuto was a thunderstorm but the rest of them bickered and laughed a lot, too. Except Washio, that was. He didn’t talk much but sometimes he’d get very interested in a conversation. Though that mostly happened when he talked to Konoha. Sarukui complained about people thinking he was always smiling and Keiji had to pretend he didn’t think that before as well.

Bokuto would talk about everything with anyone and he kept trying to include him in the conversations. Keiji was grateful but he really wanted to pay attention to all of them. He would be setting for them some day and he needed to understand them all.

At some point, Bokuto poked his side and when Keiji turned he saw a rice ball on Bokuto’s bento.

“Here,” he said and Keiji took it slowly. “I noticed the other day that you really liked them.”

Keiji decided that he liked this side of Bokuto, if only for the free food.

“Thank you, Bokuto-san.”

Keiji took a bite and saw Sarukui looking at him funny. He was about to ask about it when Sarukui got up urging the others to follow him and telling Bokuto to hurry up because it was almost time for classes.

When they all left, Bokuto shifted and settled in front of him, his back to the fence. Keiji thought he was going to get a very serious conversation about the team, even if it would’ve been a bit weird coming from Bokuto, and he looked at Bokuto expectantly.

“Akaashi,” Bokuto started and made a pause. “Did you know that the moon is getting out of orbit?”

Keiji stared for a second and then felt a slight smile cross his lips and his chest filled with a bit of warmth.

“Is that so, Bokuto-san?”

Bokuto talked about the moon and about how cobras are deaf to the charmer’s pipe and about how cats don’t taste sweet things. He appeared to have a huge collection of random facts and Keiji tried to remember all of them.

Keiji had known about Bokuto’s mood swings, he knew the team didn’t know how to handle them, but he had never seen Bokuto had one of his “dejected modes”. He had seen him exasperated at the spikes not turning quite like he wanted; had seen him a bit angry when his serve wasn’t aggressive enough; had seen him _tsk_ ed when he was blocked, if only just slightly. But Keiji had never seen him actually down until that game where all of his cross spikes were blocked. Bokuto was great with cross spikes, they were sharp and very difficult to perform for most people, but the blockers had stopped so many of them even Keiji was a bit down.

And then Bokuto was under the desk, his big body barely able to fit. It would’ve been funny, Keiji thought, if it weren’t because Bokuto was clearly hurting. Keiji tried to find words or something that could make the other feel better —maybe praise, Bokuto liked to be praised— but when he was walking by, Bokuto turned to him and called, his voice soft and sad. It made Keiji sad.

“Practice with me for a bit?” Bokuto asked and Keiji didn’t have to think twice.

“Sure.”

When Keiji set the ball he gave it his all, as if they were playing an actual match and waited for the cross spike that normally came but Bokuto was nothing if not a bag of surprises. He was practicing his straights. It hit the floor hard, the sound resonating through the whole gym, and Keiji had only a second to admire the spike when Bokuto was running back and screaming for one more.

They practiced and practiced for hours and kept practicing day after day, until Keiji was a lot more used to Bokuto’s shoes squeaking than the sound of that one song he loved so much. They talked a lot, too, but also shared many silences and Keiji was learning a lot about the star; like how his voice sounded when he was happy with his performance; like the cadence he used to congratulate him; like how his eyes shone when he talked about something he was passionate about —mostly volleyball—; like how the sweat fell from his forehead to his cheeks and his chin; like how he exhaled loudly every time he spiked the ball.

Keiji was learning things about himself, too. Like how much stamina he had compared to when they started; like how easy it was to match with Bokuto now; like how his eyes would always focus on Bokuto’s thighs when he was in the air; like how much he liked the way Bokuto screamed his name, always too exaggerated, too loud, too perfect; like how hot his body felt when Bokuto threw an arm around his shoulders and praised his tosses; like how natural it felt to walk home with Bokuto next to him.

Like how he was falling in love with Bokuto Koutarou.

 

###### II. YEARNING

Keiji had started noticing his feelings for Bokuto mainly on their walks home. At practice, when they were alone, he could excuse the amount of time he looked at Bokuto’s thighs and his arms by saying he was assessing his form, and when Bokuto took his shirt off and Keiji’s heart would not calm, he could excuse it by saying he was still too agitated. And it almost worked, if it weren’t for the time they would walk under the little stars that could be seen in the sky.

The first time was all friendly and maybe a bit too loud. Keiji was dead tired, he just wanted to crawl into bed and pass out, but Bokuto still had energy —was that even possible?— and was rambling on about the curious fact of the day: gravitational lensing. He was explaining with big motions how that telescope in the sky, as he had put it, captured the way light from an object very far away surrounded a closer object so that the scientists could calculate the mass of this closer object. Keiji was always surprised at how much stuff Bokuto knew and the confidence with which he explained. Keiji had never questioned it, though, none of it. He just knew Bokuto was right.

When they parted, Bokuto said goodbye loudly, with a wide smile on his face, and Keiji had to beg him not to bother the rest of the neighbors.

It became an everyday thing after that and one day Keiji caught himself staring at Bokuto’s big, golden eyes and at how the light from the lamp posts made them shine brighter. Bokuto looked at him and pouted.

“‘kaashi!” he whined. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Of course I am, Bokuto-san,” Keiji lied.

“What was I talking about then?”

“What?”

“Tell me what I was talking about.”

Keiji was panicking a little. Why and how had he gotten so distracted? He tried to think. Worms? No, that had been last week. Konoha not tossing to him? No, that had been during practice. He had nothing. He looked at Bokuto decided to just come out clean but then Bokuto was laughing, loud and clear.

“I should be mad,” he said, hugging Keiji sideways, “but you looked adorable just now.”

Keiji felt his heart beat faster and his face go a bit hot and all he could say was, “I’m sorry. What were you talking about?”

Bokuto laughed again and started telling him something about Komi trying to flirt with this student but Keiji wasn’t listening. Because Bokuto was still hugging him, because Bokuto was very warm, because Bokuto was stroking his hair just slightly, because Keiji felt like he was going to explode.

When they got to his house and Bokuto let him go, said goodbye and walked away, Keiji stood there looking at his broad shoulders and his light steps and he could swear he still felt the ghostly touch of Bokuto’s fingers in his hair. Keiji thought, _Oh, it’s a crush._

The realization only made it worse. Keiji was now too aware of Bokuto’s strong hands when they clapped his back, too aware of those few moments when Bokuto’s shorts rode just a bit higher and a bit of skin was shown between the shorts and his ridiculous knee pads, too aware of the time Bokuto didn’t have the knee pads on, too aware of Bokuto’s breath on his face when he hugged him teasingly. It was driving him crazy.

It was worse at training camps. They all slept in the same room, mats arranged in lines across the floor. And Keiji’s was always next to Bokuto’s. It was not intentional, it just sort of happened. Maybe the team thought it was only natural for the captain and vice captain to be next to each other, maybe it was mere coincidence, maybe the team knew. Whatever the reason, Keiji didn’t want to sleep next to anybody else.

Bokuto slept differently every night. Sometimes on his stomach, sometimes on his back, sometimes on his side, but thanks to some miracle, his face was always turned to Keiji. And Keiji would always stay up a bit later watching the soft features of his star and he would be amazed at how much he kept shining. Keiji would dream of running his fingers through Bokuto’s hair, of caressing his cheek, of kissing his beautiful lips. It always came down to the lips. Keiji would stare at them when Bokuto screamed his name, when Bokuto pouted, when Bokuto smiled, when Bokuto was focused and his tongue would peek out. Keiji really wanted to kiss those lips.

It was great they all showered by grades, which meant Keiji never had to shower with the third years, but that didn’t keep him from thinking about Bokuto under the water. And then Bokuto would be back and his hair would be down, his skin glistening with drops of water and he looked relaxed and soft and warm and Keiji had to really contain himself from confessing right there. He wasn’t planning on confessing at all, if he was honest. Keiji once had the idea of confessing on the third years’ graduation day but the thought of them leaving hurt too much, so he decided to never think about it again. And anyway, it wasn’t like Bokuto liked him back. There were sometimes when Keiji thought that _maybe_ the other felt the same, like when Bokuto would stare at him when he was talking and Keiji saw a bit of softness in his eyes or when Bokuto would rest his chin on his shoulder while they were having a meeting and would make soft comments next to Keiji’s ear, like the times when Bokuto’s touch seemed to linger longer than necessary.

But Bokuto was very affectionate with a lot of people. Kuroo and Karasuno’s Tsukishima came to mind. Tsukishima didn’t seem to like it when Bokuto hugged him or called him _Tsukki_ , a term that was apparently only used by Tsukishima’s best friend (boyfriend?), but he reluctantly accepted it because Bokuto wouldn’t stop. And sometimes Keiji would find Kuroo and Bokuto laying together, all over each other, talking but mostly laughing and his stomach would hurt. When he came back to their room and it was time to sleep and Bokuto was on his stomach facing him, Keiji always felt very lonely.

See, Keiji was a very standoffish person, he was also very intimidating, or at least that’s what people said, and he guessed he just didn’t look very warm. But sometimes, on nights like those ones, he craved the touch he’d barely gotten. Because Bokuto would slap his back and give him brief and friendly hugs but he never actually _touched_ him, not like he did Kuroo, not like he hugged Kuroo or laid on top of Kuroo or pet Kuroo’s hair and Keiji realized he was very jealous of Kuroo. But he wanted, or even worse, he _needed_ Bokuto to touch his hair like that first time they walked home together, he needed Bokuto to envelop him in warmth and needed him to kiss his cheeks and his neck and cuddle him at night. He was craving constantly for Bokuto’s hands on his own and on his back and on his face... He was constantly craving Bokuto. And Keiji was lonely.

He pushed those thoughts aside because they didn’t do him any good and he had more important matters at hand anyway; like practice and matches and winning nationals. It was easier to forget about Bokuto’s soft hair when Keiji was damp with sweat, thighs aching and fingers numb, from all the games they played at training camps. And it was also easier to ignore the shivers down his spine when there were six of them playing during extra practice, so Keiji could focus his attention on other people.

And then Bokuto decided to become Karasuno’s Hinata’s mentor or something like that. It happened after a successful rebound followed by a successful spike. Hinata was beaming and babbling about how cool that had been and Bokuto’s face had lighten up, smile big across his face and Keiji felt a bit light headed. Bokuto explained the rebound and Keiji made some snarky remarks, but really he was just remembering about how _he_ had been the one to taught Bokuto that move, he was remembering how impressed Bokuto had been, his face shining similarly to Hinata’s. Explaining it to Hinata, Bokuto looked proud and beautiful. And there they were, all the feelings Keiji had been trying to ignore had been reawaken by Bokuto’s honest face.

It went like that all training camp. They’d won more than anyone there and it made them feel powerful. And Bokuto would shower them all with compliments, as the good captain he was, and Keiji would dream of getting a congratulatory kiss that would never come.

He did that a lot, dreaming of things that would never happen, and they all had to do with Bokuto. Like Bokuto hugging him at night by accident but totally on purpose or Bokuto holding his hand while they walked home and stuff like that. There was a very specific one that he normally fantasized about at night when he was in his bed and it was kinda embarrassing. It was about their late practices and Bokuto stopping and kissing him real hard and then they would be on the floor and Bokuto would kiss his neck and Keiji would whimper and feel all the strong muscles in his broad back and wrap his legs around Bokuto’s hips and… yeah, embarrassing. Keiji was almost too ashamed to look at Bokuto the next morning but then Bokuto would walk towards him with a huge smile on his face and the newest curious fact he learned and all of Keiji’s thoughts would be gone.

Bokuto was magical like that.

Then nationals came and there was barely a moment to think about anything other than volleyball. Keiji was stressed, which wasn’t a bad thing, not necessarily. He had always been a calm person, a logic-before-anything-else type of person, and it had worked for them so far. But the game against Mujinazaka was too much. Keiji kept thinking about them losing and it being the last game for the third years. He tried to analyze not only Fukurodani’s plays but the other team’s plays as well. And it was backfiring. Mujinazaka’s setter was good, very good. He was smart and seemed to be in control of everything. Keiji guessed they were very similar setters, at least during good days, but at that moment Keiji was lacking.

Every single one of his plays were being intercepted and he could see them losing the set. They couldn’t afford to lose it, they couldn’t afford to lose at all. He kept thinking of the other teams, of Kenma giving it his all and Nekoma losing anyway, of Kageyama and his immense talent. Of Bokuto and his certainty that they would win them all. But Keiji wasn't so sure anymore.

And Mujinazaka was strong. He knew that, of course, but seeing it and experiencing it were two very different things. Not only was Kiryu a powerful spiker, but his serves were hitting the mark one after the other as well, rapidly increasing the point gap between them. And then there were the blockers, intercepting every single one of their spikes, even Bokuto’s. But Keiji was sure the setter was the real problem here. So he tried a dump, to surprise them, to get one point, but suddenly the blockers were there and the ball was hitting their side of the court and Keiji was freaking out. He needed to calm down.

“I’m sorry, I rushed things a little,” he said to the team, trying to sound calm. Komi said some words of encouragement but Keiji wasn’t listening.

The next set was another fuck up. Onaga was front and center but Keiji’s set was too rushed, too low and the ball bounced off the net. Keiji could feel the embarrassment. He knew those things happened, he knew they were common, but they shouldn’t happen to _him_. Thankfully, Bokuto saved them and scored. The next serve came and Konoha received it as easy as ever and Sarukui sent the ball to Bokuto and Keiji was almost too afraid to look because Mujinazaka was clearly waiting for a cross. Bokuto gave them what they were asking, a sharp and very close to the net cross spike, and scored. Everything fell silent.

“Up till now,” Bokuto started and his voice was low and serious, “I’ve been ‘an ace that is coddled by the team’, but in a few days we’re all going to say goodbye to each other and go our separate ways, so it’s about time I became just ‘an ace’.”

Keiji was shocked. He could feel the chills running down his spine and goosebumps all over his arms and neck. Bokuto’s eyes were fire and Keiji got lost in them for a second.

“Hey! Hey! Heey!” Bokuto screamed loudly. “Let’s go! Let’s go! Don’t get left behind guys!”

And just like that the whole team was on fire. Bokuto kept scoring one point after the other, closing the gap. It was mesmerizing and Keiji could almost forget the game. Almost. Seeing the rest of his team doing his best made him aware of how much he was lacking. He had to do something. But his next set was a foul and Keiji was losing it, it was too much. Washio and Komi spoke reassuring words but they didn’t seem to get to Keiji. He knew he had to calm down, he had to put it behind him and keep going or things were going to get ugly. _Shake it off_ , he thought, _focus_.

“Hey, Akaashi?” Bokuto’s voice cut the noise in his head. “If you aren’t feeling too good, go sit for a bit.”

Just then a change of players was called. Anahori was waiting with his number in hand and Keiji felt relieved and ashamed.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, his head low and a knot in his throat.

“Listen,” Bokuto said, “you aren’t thinking this is some ‘we can’t afford to lose it’ game, are you?”

Keiji looked up at Bokuto, eyes wide.

“Oh, bull’s eye!” Bokuto said in a pleased voice. Keiji felt just a bit annoyed at how perceptive Bokuto could be. “But y’know? When have we ever played a game we could afford to lose?”

It was so simple yet so true Keiji didn’t know what to say, so he exited the court and sat on the bench next to the coach. And then he was clutching his head trying not to scream. He was desperate and tired and this darkness kept swallowing him up. And then the coach was talking about their banner, “Give each play your all”, and about how it meant more than what it seemed. Keiji wasn’t sure he got it at first but from out there, he could see everything. Washio’s strong serves, Komi’s keen eyes, Konoha’s reliability, Onaga’s impressive blocks, Bokuto’s strength. Keiji had to laugh. How utterly presumptuous of him to think he had any sway in the game, to think he controlled Bokuto.

They lost the set but he was better now. He would play as he always did, forget about how much he envied other setters, forget about what he was lacking and focus only on what he could do because Bokuto was right, there was never a game they could afford to lose.

Keiji played his heart out, he could finally see everything again, he understood what was happening, he understood what would happen, he understood what to do. Bokuto won over the whole stadium, the place roared with his name, and he even made Keiji give it his 120 percent.

After they won and were walking towards their rest area, Keiji went his own way and sat down a bench to calm down. He had been so scared of being the one that initiated their descent towards failure. His hands were still shaking and he could feel the tears in his eyes.

Suddenly, Bokuto was next to him, all relaxed pose and comfortable attitude.

“So, yeah! Anyways!” he said. “You rebounded real good there at the end! You were totally flailing like a rookie at the start though!”

Keiji could almost feel the knife stabbing his back but Bokuto was right.

“I allowed myself to get distracted by unnecessary thoughts,” he explained.

“You know what did it? Great! You’ll be fine, then. Now you know how to fix it next time.”

Keiji felt the tears roll down his face. He was so relieved and so grateful for being in this team, for having Bokuto in his life. He knew the rest of the team was watching but it didn’t matter to him that his face was probably flushed and messy.

He reprimanded Bokuto for being so easily influenced by other games and his voice was shaky, the words came out of his mouth sounding insecure. And then they were leaving with the promise of winning them all the next day too. That night, Keiji would lay on his bed and think of Bokuto’s performance, of his strength and of how much fun he had on the court and he would laugh again, just like he laughed earlier, with blush on his cheeks and love in his chest.

They won nationals. It wasn’t a surprise because his team was strong and efficient and had some of the best players Keiji had ever seen. The surprising part was that this amazing team thought he was an important part of their win. Keiji almost cried but he was able to maintain his calm demeanor, if only because Bokuto and Komi were already sobbing messes. They hugged and laughed a lot and Keiji knew he hadn’t chosen Fukurodani with great ambitions but in that moment, surrounded by his teammates and the screams of the whole gym in their favour, Keiji was extremely thankful of having the opportunity to play at Fukurodani.

The team celebrated at their own gym. Loud music made Keiji’s blood thrum and people’s laughter filled his ears. Sarukui had smuggled some beer, the little shit, and him and Konoha took turns to go to the bathroom and drink. They thought they were being sly but the entire team knew. Keiji decided to let it go and allow them to celebrate to their heart’s content. Keiji, on his part, talked to some people and kept Bokuto from drowning in a bowl of soda after he declared that he could “drink the whole thing with his head in it”. If Keiji didn’t know any better he’d say Bokuto was drunk.

He took him to the bathroom, sending away a very drunk Konoha, so that he could help him clean the mess off of his hair. Bokuto lowered his head and Keiji started the water. He let the it run for a bit and then started to comb his fingers through Bokuto’s sticky hair. Keiji tried not to think of how this seemed like one of those embarrassing dreams he sometimes had and ignored the little sounds Bokuto made when Keiji applied a little more force.

“Wash your face,” he told Bokuto when he was done with the hair and went to search for a towel.

When he came back, Bokuto was waiting for him, his hair down, face wet and water dripping all over the place. Keiji forgot how to breathe. Bokuto was an attractive man, that was a fact he had known for a while, but Keiji was still in awe of his golden eyes, always so bright, always so intense. He felt a pressure in his chest, his mouth go dry and noticing that he had probably stared too long, he offered Bokuto the towel.

“You’re making a mess,” he said, thankful his voice sounded normal.

Then he started for the door but Bokuto’s voice stopped him.

“Akaashi?” he said softly, too soft.

“Yeah?” Keiji said turning to look at him, trying not to look too dumbstruck.

Bokuto fidgeted with his hands and bit the inside of his cheek. He looked nervous, afraid.

“I just—,” he stopped and seemed to think for a little bit. “Thank you.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Keiji said a bit confused. “We wouldn’t want a dead body ruining the party, you know?”

“That’s not— never mind.” Bokuto laughed and then in his normal tone he said, “I owe you one, ‘Kaashi!”

And life kept going. They kept practicing and studying and suddenly Keiji was getting a lot more confessions, which he kept rejecting over and over again. When asked why, he always answered he was too busy with practice and studying, he didn’t have time for a relationship. He never once mentioned he was interested in another person already because he didn’t even want to think about it. Graduation was getting closer and closer every day.

Bokuto got more confessions, too. Their lunch time together being cut short constantly by girls asking to speak with him in private. Keiji didn’t know the reason but Bokuto kept rejecting them as well. It wasn’t like Bokuto didn’t like girls. Many times they would resort to the “a cute girl is watching you” tactic to get him in the mood for a game. And still, he kept rejecting every single girl that confessed. Keiji didn’t have it in him not to feel pleased.

He was still curious, though, so he asked about it one night while they walked home together.

“You’ve been receiving a lot of attention lately,” he said and for it to sound more like a normal thing he would say, he added, “Hopefully it won’t distract you from finals.”

Bokuto hummed thoughtfully.

“I’ve been rejecting them, so, fear not!” he replied dramatically and Keiji tried not to smile.

“Don’t you want a girlfriend, though?” he asked because he really wanted to know.

“Not really,” Bokuto said. “Like you said, I’m busy and I’m almost off to university, I don’t really think a relationship is a wise decision right now.”

It made sense, so much sense, but the statement still hurt him as if he had any chances.

“Since when do you make wise decisions?” he joked, not really feeling it.

Bokuto whined and then they changed the subject.

Keiji knew his hopes were dead right then.

 

###### III. LOVING

Graduation came. Keiji was sitting at the back watching, his heart aching and proud. The third years entered in rows and Keiji was able to distinguish every single one of his former teammates. As each of them stepped forward to receive their diploma, Keiji had to restrain from clapping. Seeing them finishing high school with heads held high warmed his heart and made him want to cry. Once the ceremony was over and the third years were walking out, Keiji clapped until his hands were sore. It was the least he could do.

After the ceremony, the volleyball team still had one more practice, so they practiced. It was quiet and somber without the third years there and he was regretting not staying to see Bokuto one more time. It would’ve hurt too much and he didn’t think he could take it.

Then someone came screaming through the door.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Bokuto yelled and when Keiji looked at the gym entrance, he saw his star, beautiful and bright, leading the rest of the third years.

They all seemed ready to practice, so they practiced together again, one last time and Keiji felt happy and very sad at the same time. The third years focused on giving tips to the first and second years that hadn’t had the chance to play an official game and those first and second years tried to absorb every bit of knowledge they could.

And it was over too quickly. The third years stood in front of the rest of the team that was waiting for some encouraging words. Konoha made a few sly comments but he was clearly trying to look tough, Komi was ugly crying, Sarukui was patting his back and saying how much he appreciated the last three years and Washio told them to work hard. Bokuto went last.

“These last three years,” he started, “made this gym feel like home, they made you feel like my family. I thank you all for that, for putting up with my childishness and for making these three years the best of my life so far. This team’s still strong and you better win nationals next time as well!”

The team roared and it was deafening but Bokuto wasn’t done.

“Akaashi,” he said and Keiji felt his stomach in his throat, “you dealt with me more than anyone in this team and some people thought that was your only job, but you also lead with me, you lead when I couldn’t. So, please keep leading this team!”

Bokuto bowed and Keiji wanted to hug him right there but he just said, “I’ll do my best.”

Then, talking to all of the third years he bowed and said, “Thank you for everything.”

Komi cried harder, Sarukui seemed like he wanted to cry and Konoha and Washio looked down. Keiji loved them all.

They left.

Keiji and Onaga stayed after the gym was cleared out. They knew they were the ones who would miss the third years the most. They were the only ones that had actually played with them.

“It’s so quiet now,” Onaga said, sitting on the floor.

They had practiced spikes for a bit, trying to improve their attacks, but Onaga didn’t have the stamina Keiji did, let alone the stamina Bokuto did, so they stopped after an hour. It had felt wrong somehow, to give his extra practice to someone who wasn’t Bokuto. Keiji felt like he was betraying him.

“It’s gonna be very quiet from now on,” Keiji said, nodding.

“I’m gonna miss them.” Onaga sounded on the verge of tears.

“Me too,” he said and it was the truth.

He then ushered Onaga to get going, telling him he had done a good job and that they would work on his stamina and speed next time, and said he’d stay to practice his serves. Without Bokuto and Washio, the team’s serves were going to suffer greatly.

Keiji grabbed a ball and went to one corner of the court, made the ball bounce twice and stood there. He looked around the gym and realised just how alone he was, how much pressure he was under now that he was the captain. It was too much. He touched his forehead to the ball and concentrated on getting deep breaths, tried to calm himself down.

“Akaashi?”

Keiji dropped the ball and looked stunned at the door. Bokuto was standing there in his uniform. It was unfair how beautiful he looked bathed by the yellow glow of the gym lights.

“What are you doing here, Bokuto-san?” Keiji asked, his voice controlled.

“I don’t know,” Bokuto said. “I just thought you might be here.”

“I was about to practice my serves.”

Bokuto nodded and put his bag on the floor, then took off his jacket.

“Practice spikes with me for a bit?” he said, he _asked_ , and that hurt Keiji.

“Sure but you’re not wearing the right clothes.”

Bokuto smiled a fond smile and Keiji’s heart started to beat faster.

Bokuto grabbed a ball, sent it to Keiji and started running. Keiji heard his steps approaching, that sound he was so used to hearing, and before he could even touch the ball, he fell to the floor and started crying. It was like a slap to the face, the realization that Bokuto would be gone. He knew that, logically, but he hadn’t really _known_ that. And now Bokuto was here, asking for a last spike, and Keiji couldn’t do it. He started sobbing.

“‘Kaashi?” came Bokuto’s soft voice from above him. Keiji could barely make sense of the image in front of him when Bokuto crouched, his tears filling his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Keiji said and then apologized over and over again.

“Akaashi, why are you apologizing?” Bokuto’s voice was so kind that Keiji could only cry harder.

He wasn’t sure if he was apologizing for crying or for all the times he wasn’t good enough. Maybe it was both. But when he calmed down, he got up, apologized one more time, and headed to the lockers. Bokuto followed.

Keiji washed his face and stood there looking at his reflection, his eyes puffy and red.

“Why were you crying?” Bokuto asked and Keiji sighed.

“Because it just now hit me that you’re gone and I’m gonna miss you,” he said and he realized it was the truth and that there was no reason to lie anymore.

“Akaashi.” Bokuto said his name like he was begging him to look but Keiji couldn’t. “You know I’m gonna miss you, too, right?”

Keiji hummed and then said, “You’re going to play in the big leagues now, Bokuto-san, you’re gonna find a better setter than me.”

 _But I’ll never find anyone like you again_ , he thought.

“Maybe I’ll have a great setter,” Bokuto said and he sounded closer now, “but he’s not gonna be you.”

Keiji’s breath caught in his throat and tears threaten to spill from his eyes again. Then he felt arms around his torso and a chin resting on his shoulder and Keiji would swear his stomach fell to the floor.

“Akaashi, you’re my favorite person, nothing’s gonna change that.”

Keiji leaned his head on Bokuto’s shoulder, closed his eyes and relished in the warmth of Bokuto’s body against his and tried to calm down. He realized it was going to happen, he was going to say it after all.

“Bokuto-san,” he started and Bokuto just hummed in acknowledgement, “I’m in love with you.”

He let it sit for a bit and then said, “That’s the other reason I was crying. Because now you’re gone and I never had the guts to say anything.”

Bokuto was very quiet and Keiji was worried he’d fucked up and then Bokuto was letting him go and Keiji knew he had fucked up.

“‘Kaashi,” he heard Bokuto say, “please look at me.”

Keiji winced but did as he was asked. Bokuto had a soft look on his face and a small smile crossed his lips.

“‘Kaashi, I’m still here,” he said and put a hand on his cheek, Keiji’s eyes were very big now. Bokuto got closer, until their chests were almost touching. “I’m still here and I’m in love with you, too.”

Keiji had little time to process the words before Bokuto was grabbing his hand and putting something in his palm. It was a button. Keiji hadn’t even realized Bokuto’s uniform didn’t have his second button anymore.

“I was going to give it to you after the ceremony but you weren’t there,” Bokuto said, scratching the back of his neck.

Keiji stared at him and since words seemed to have left his throat, he grabbed Bokuto from the back of his head and kissed him.

It was an urgent kiss, an I’ve-wanted-this-for-so-long kiss, and Keiji’s body felt alight, his knees were trembling and his throat was making this sound he should be embarrassed about but couldn’t because Bokuto’s was making the same sound. One of Bokuto’s hands was on his cheek and the other one was on his waist, tugging him closer, until their chests were against each other, until Keiji couldn’t distinguish between his frantic heartbeat and Bokuto’s.

He brought a hand to Bokuto’s back and grabbed his shirt as hard as he could, the fabric crumpling under his fingers. Keiji was hot, so hot, and Bokuto was digging his fingers into Keiji’s side.

They parted, both of them breathing hard, both of their chests heaving against each other, and Keiji was afraid of opening his eyes. But then he felt a kiss on his cheek, soft and tender, and his name being called, even softer.

“Keiji,” Bokuto said and Keiji would be lying if he said his heart didn’t raise to his throat.

He opened his eyes and found Bokuto staring at him intently, golden eyes fixed on his face, but it was a kind stare, a lovable one, and then Bokuto broke into a smile, huge and brilliant. Keiji knew he would never feel like that about anyone else. Not with the intensity he felt about Bokuto.

Bokuto hugged him and buried his face in Keiji’s neck, breathing deeply.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Bokuto said, his voice muffled by Keiji’s skin.

“Yeah?” he asked lamely.

“Yeah,” he said and then he threw his arms up in the air and started talking excitedly. “Like when I saw you I was like “he’s so pretty!” you know? And then you said you were a setter and I was very excited and then you turned out to be this amazing and smart setter and like you are so funny and kind.”

Keiji was smiling now, wide smile on his face, and then he started laughing like only Bokuto could make him laugh. He realized he was relieved and happy. Bokuto stopped talking and looked at him.

“And when you laugh...,” Bokuto said quietly this time, “when you laugh I can feel it everywhere. It’s the most beautiful sound.”

Keiji felt like crying, so he kissed Bokuto again, softer now. He kissed his top lip first and then his lower lip just because he could and felt Bokuto tremble a little bit. Keiji smiled.

“‘Kaashi,” Bokuto complained when Keiji stopped, his cheeks were pink and he was pouting. Keiji wanted to kiss him again right away. “You can’t just go and do that. What about my heart?!”

Bokuto was being dramatic and Keiji laughed again. He leaned his forehead on Bokuto’s chest and said, softly, as if it were a secret, “I really like you.”

Bokuto hugged him tightly.

They stood there for what seemed like forever until the janitor found them and ushered them home, their faces red from embarrassment. But Keiji didn’t have it in him to feel ashamed.

They walked home together like they always did, but closer. Bokuto had taken his hand excitedly when they left the gym and hadn’t let go since then. Keiji didn’t want him to. It was comforting how normal it felt, how well Bokuto’s hand fit in his.

Bokuto wouldn't let go of his hand, not even when they went to the convenience store because Keiji mentioned he had been thinking of pork buns and Bokuto said he'd buy one for him. So, he did and bought that sour candy he liked so much and everything was fine until it was time to pay. He refused to let go of Keiji's hand and struggled to hold his wallet and take the money at the same time. Keiji let him struggle some more before holding the wallet so Bokuto could get the money out. The man at the register looked at them with annoyance but Keiji didn't have it in him to care. Not when Bokuto was still holding his hand, not when they were both laughing because Bokuto kept dropping the money.

They walked out laughing still and Keiji thought maybe he was dreaming one of those dreams he sometimes had but when he looked at Bokuto he saw him smile and then felt him give his hand a light squeeze. Keiji smiled.

As they walked home, Bokuto started talking about how Tabei Junko was the first woman to reach the summit of Mount Everest and how it was even cooler because she was Japanese. Keiji was listening but only barely, his attention mostly focused on how sweaty his palm was and how maybe it was actually Bokuto’s and how they had almost made it home.

“Here we are!” Bokuto tried to sound cheerful but Keiji knew him too well. None of them wanted to part ways.

“Do you want to come in?” Keiji asked before he could think better. His mom wasn’t home, so they would have some time for themselves.

“Yeah!” Bokuto answered immediately, that bright smile on his face. Keiji smiled back and opened the door.

The house was dark and suddenly the air was too stuffy and he could _feel_ Bokuto next to him, taking off his shoes, and he knew Bokuto felt him, too. It was awkward and a bit uncomfortable, like both of them were thinking of how alone they were at that moment.

When Keiji looked at Bokuto he found Bokuto looking at him already and smiling a tiny smile, a shy smile. He was so quiet, so careful, it felt wrong, somehow.

“Come on,” Keiji said, extending his hand. Bokuto took it.

They walked hand in hand towards Keiji room and with each step Keiji’s heart beat harder and harder. Bokuto was still too quiet.

When they reached his room Bokuto second guessed if he should close the door so Keiji did it for him and then, turning to face his ace, he leaned back and just stared. He stared at Bokuto’s beautiful golden eyes and how they shone even in the dark, he stared at Bokuto’s strong hands fumbling in front of him, he stared at Bokuto’s lips and how they seemed to wanted to say something but seemed to be restraining.

“Bokuto-san,” he said, “what’s wrong?”

Bokuto stared at him for a second and then exhaled and closed his eyes.

“Nothing. It’s just—,” he stopped and then said, “Does this mean you’re my boyfriend now?”

He still had his eyes closed and Keiji just smiled and tried not to laugh.

“Bokuto-san,” Keiji said, his voice sounded like a command, it was the one he used when he needed to reprimand Bokuto, and Bokuto visibly flinched. Then, even if it felt a bit childish, a question, “Do you want us to be boyfriends?”

Bokuto nodded. He still wasn’t opening his eyes.

“Well, I want us to be boyfriends, too,” he said and felt his cheeks warm.

Bokuto opened his eyes widely and then he was smiling and suddenly everything was loud again, even without any sound. It was like his smile had a melody, like his light filled every single one of Keiji’s senses. It felt right.

And then Bokuto was kissing him again.

There was something magical about Bokuto’s lips, Keiji thought, about the way they’d brush softly against his before pressing down, about the way they opened just a bit before taking Keiji’s between them, about the way they wouldn’t stop smiling.

Keiji felt light headed when they parted, not for long, just to catch their breaths; he also felt filled with light and it was all Bokuto’s fault. Bokuto rubbed his nose against Keiji’s and Keiji’s heart felt like it was going to crawl out of his mouth. _I love him_ , Keiji thought. And then, while looking at those big and beautiful golden eyes, _I love you_.

“We should have something to eat,” he said instead because he was still the same calm and collected Keiji, thank you very much.

Bokuto pouted and then said _Akaashi_ as exaggerated and whiny as he could, so it came out sounding like _Aaagaaasheee_. Keiji raised his eyebrows and tried not to smile.

“We haven’t eaten anything, Bokuto-san. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Not really,” Bokuto said and his voice was low, too low and Keiji was only so strong.

He kissed him again, hungrier this time and Bokuto wrapped his arms around his waist and brought him close. Keiji’s hands were in Bokuto’s hair and he could feel Bokuto smiling a victory smile. The asshole.

Somehow they made it to the bed and Bokuto sat on it, Keiji was still standing and kissing him senseless. He couldn’t stop. Keiji straddled Bokuto’s hips and he felt Bokuto’s breath hitch against his mouth. It was Keiji’s time to smile in victory now.

They were still fully clothed and it was getting very hot, he could feel the sweat in Bokuto’s hair and the warmth of their breaths made everything feel humid. He wanted to rip his clothes off but Keiji didn’t know if he wanted _that_ to happen now, so he slowed it down and Bokuto followed his rhythm without complaining. Keiji guessed he was probably thinking the same thing.

They cooled down and soon they were only pecking each other’s lips and then Keiji kissed Bokuto’s cheeks and Bokuto giggled (honest to god, giggled), so he kissed his nose and his temples and his forehead and his cheekbones and his chin and every single part of his face. Bokuto’s smile was blinding and Keiji could feel he was smiling, too.

“‘Kaashi,” Bokuto said softly, “you are so beautiful.”

Keiji could feel his cheeks burn.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Bokuto-san,” Keiji said, trying to sound cool.

Bokuto laughed and kissed him again. Then, he said, “You can tell me how handsome I am, ‘Kaashi!”

“Not happening,” Keiji said. “It would get to your head.”

“You like me.” Bokuto kissed Keiji’s jaw. “That’s already getting to my head.”

Keiji felt his heart expand and then squeeze and his stomach was going crazy, too. It was wonderful and terrifying. He buried his face in Bokuto’s neck to hide the reddening of his cheeks and inhaled. Bokuto smelled of sweat and soap and that candy he was eating earlier.

Bokuto started playing with his hair, his fingers twisting the dark locks and letting go and then repeating it again. Keiji felt content, he felt like he could fall sleep there in Bokuto’s arms. So he kissed Bokuto’s neck and then crawled out of his lap to lay on the bed. Bokuto followed quickly.

The air was charged with the longing between them, their hands holding onto each other loosely, only because they needed to touch each other, their eyes moving across each other’s faces only to lock gazes for a second, their lips smiling at the found pair of eyes. Keiji thought of all the times he fantasized of moments like this and how much they paled in comparison with the real thing; he thought of all those times he almost confessed and backed down for fear of being rejected.

“How long?” he asked softly. Bokuto hummed a question, so Keiji elaborated. “How long have you felt this way?”

Bokuto hummed in thought. His nose scrunched up, lips pursed and eyes squinted. Keiji almost forgot his question, lost in the adorable lines of Bokuto’s face.

“I think I realized during one of the training camp nights,” Bokuto said suddenly. “But I’ve probably always liked you.”

“Training camp nights?”

“Yeah. You always slept facing me and one night I woke up and saw you sleeping and I just knew.”

Keiji felt his mouth go dry.

“That’s a bit creepy, Bokuto-san,” he said to cover the flutter in his chest.

“Akaashi!” Bokuto whined. Keiji smiled and squeezed his hand.

“What about you?” Bokuto asked. “You probably took some time to get used to me, huh?”

Bokuto laughed a bit but behind it Keiji could hear how insecure he was. Always too much. Too loud, too moody, too childish. Keiji got closer.

“Always,” he said softly. “I’ve always felt this way.”

Bokuto’s eyes widen, and his cheeks were a bit red. Excitedly, he said, “Really?”

“Yeah. Did I ever tell you I chose Fukurodani because of you?” Bokuto frowned and shook his head. Keiji continued. “I did. I saw you playing during your first year. You were shining so bright up there in the air, so far away from me. Just like a star. I just knew I had to be in your team.”

Bokuto was silent for a few seconds and Keiji was starting to feel embarrassed, too exposed, but then Bokuto was smiling so bright Keiji knew he would say it all again just to see him smile like that.

“‘Kaashi!” Bokuto threw himself at Keiji, hugging him so hard Keiji was having trouble breathing. “You thought I was a star? That’s so cute!”

Bokuto had his face buried in Keiji’s neck and it tickled him, so Keiji laughed a bit. Eventually Bokuto settled on his chest, one leg over Keiji’s and a hand playing with his hair. Keiji was rubbing his back with one hand and his arm with the other.

“I still do,” he murmured.

Bokuto looked up at him, frowning slightly.

“I still think you’re a star,” Keiji explained.

Bokuto stared at him and then pushed himself on his elbows and leaned down to kiss Keiji. The kiss was soft, tender, full of love, and Keiji melted. He caressed Bokuto’s cheek and kissed him for what felt like hours.

“Keiji?” Bokuto asked when they parted. Hearing his name was driving him crazy.

“Yeah?” he said and his voice sounded scratchy, it was a bit embarrassing. Bokuto brushed his lips against Keiji’s.

“I love you.”

It felt like the most intimate confession of all. Starting at Bokuto’s lips and ending at his. Keiji felt like crying. He grabbed Bokuto’s face and kissed him hard, hoping to make him understand, to make him _feel_ every time Keiji’s heart went nuts over his smile, every time he would have to look away from his intense eyes, every time he laid awake thinking of his voice. Keiji tried to make him feel everything.

His heart was pounding and he was breathing hard and his hands were trembling and he was so happy. They still had to talk about what would happen next, about Bokuto going to Uni and Keiji being captain. But all of that could wait.

Keiji rested his forehead against Bokuto’s and sighed happily. He opened his eyes and looked into burning gold and felt his chest contract. Softly, softer than ever before, Keiji spoke a confession, a truth.

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this whole thing! Comments are always welcome!  
> Come scream with me about bokuaka on twitter @keijiis!


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